God, it's been a while, hasn't it? Months, probably. So much has happened in my life, and I'm sure you've all had changes and challenges to face as well. Hopefully, we're all a little wiser, a little stronger, a little braver and maybe - just maybe - a little more human. It's a crazy world out there. Not Pauly Shore crazy, no... not even Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest crazy. Just crazy, you know?

What am I talking about? I have no idea. I rarely do. It's part of my charm. By charm, I mean my collection of milder dementia; all those personality quirks that don't directly result in human suffering. It's 1:30 AM, Thursday December 20. The christmas season marches on, building ever toward it's turkey-and-consumerism fueled climax a scant 5 days down the good ol' temporal road. My first semester as a Mt. Royal College student is winding down, with only one final exam between now and the precious, precious semester break. It's been 2 months minus 3 days since my last post, and months longer still since anything of substance graced this little corner of the 'net. I figured you fine readers deserved a little something something, as the song goes.

School has been a bit of a bust, frankly. My expectations were low all around; I expected to be taught little, to learn little, to perform in a mediocre fashion and be generally regarded in an low-to-average manner. On all four accounts, I believe I have succeeded miserably. That is to say that I have suceeded wonderfully and am miserable for it. As a sort of mid-year recap, I'll provide a disturbingly definative sampler of what I've learned in school:

• That logos originated 3500 years ago as markers on Mesopotamian grain sacks.
  
• That the book-binding industry was apparently comprised of people who really hated barnyard animals.
  
• That lower-class men are exceptionally likely to beat their wives.
  
• That I absolutely love saying "Post hoc ergo propter hoc". (It's just the best logical fallacy ever!)
  
• That it's actually possible to have 3 hours of computer instruction each week for 12 weeks in which I learn nothing.
  

But hey, I only paid a few grand for the priviledge, and I got some great textbooks to boot! A New Introduction to Bibliography by Philip Gaskell is sure to be the centerpeice of all my cocktail parties from now on. And my design text had lots of great generic sample peices that show you exactly how to make wonderful generic sample peices.

Wanna read some great books? Try these:
Choke by Chuck Palahniuk
Mother Tongue by Bill Bryson
The Lucifer Principle by Howard Bloom
Catch 22 by Joseph Heller
Drawing Down the Moon by Margot Adler
The Monk by Matthew Lewis

Those books all blew me away. You'll learn more and think more checking those out that any semester at school can offer you, at least in the sad, strange world I inhabit. Speaking of books, there's this dead guy named Tolkien, and he apparently wrote some books a few years back. Then this guy lately decides to make some movies based on the books... or something. I don't really have the whole story. But some friends dragged me along to see
the first one tonight. I didn't want to go. I didn't have tickets weeks ago or anything. I didn't even get to the theatre two hours early to get a terrible spot in line either. No sir, not me.

But regardless of all those things I absolutely didn't do (Only a geek would get that excited, right?), I still went to see The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Rings. Or whatever it was called, I wasn't paying too much attention. In fact, I barely even watched it. I didn't notice how it stayed very true to the plot of the books. I wasn't paying enough attention to discover that ommisions were made in very tactful places and that the humour of Tolkien's novels was preserved. Had I been interested, I may have recognized some curious inconsistencies like Gandalf's sword, Aragorn's relationship, the origins of the Uruk'Hai, the type of bird that rescues Gandalf, and Sauruman's early revelation of the seeing stone. I may even have gotten slightly concerned about the absence of Bill the pony or wondered why Rohan was ignored. But naturally, I wasn't paying attention. I mean, it was a total geek fest. I'm far too suave and cool for that. I was napping.

I would like to thank the lovely and talented Melissa for her company amongst a fellowship (Oh! 10 points to Ian for the pun!) of strangers. A more entertaining cap to an evening of hideous and abortive shopping could not have been had.

On that note, I'm going to pass out, get an utterly insufficient amount of sleep and perform poorly on an exam in the morning. I bid you adieu. And $40 for the oak credenza.